what does this mean?
The Five Loves
I am no Greek scholar, but I am passing on what I have been taught and what I understand about these words and concepts. I also wanted to make sure that this discussion allows you to get some insight into how to apply this understanding to your life.
So when someone says “I love you,” you can try to figure out what they mean!
Especially what it means that GOD loves you…
and God does love you, by the way.
Language can tell you a great deal about a culture and that culture’s priorities – the Inuit (Eskimos) are said to have nearly thirty words for “ice” which describe various colors, textures, and uses, among other things (I don’t know if this is true or not, by the way). Any group of adults in the U.S. can probably come up with that many words for money.
However, we tend to use the same word to describe many different aspects of another concept: love. We love our mothers, pizza, baseball, spouses and children, all the time using the same word to describe these relationships! The one word: love, cannot be meant the same way in all these situations. To avoid confusion, let’s look at some Greek words that distinguished between some of the very different situations.
- Mania – Manic love is almost not a love at all. The word “lust” is probably not strong enough – “obsession” is closer to the word. This is the love of possession. I “mania” that which I obsessively desire to own. It is generally seen as taking over the “lover” like insanity – thus the connection to modern concepts of madness (kleptomania, pyromania). It is like the opposite of a phobia – an obsessive need to avoid something. “Mania” is translated as “madness” and “beside yourself” in Acts 26.
- Eros – Eros is obviously the root word for “erotic,” but it does not describe sexual love only, it actually describes all emotional love; the feeling of love. Eros love is that insatiable desire to be near the target of this love. The exciting, passionate, nervous feelings that sweep over people in the appropriate circumstances. This is the love that says “I love how you make me feel.” As an emotion, Eros changes, sometimes suddenly. Remember that it is entirely based on circumstances and on the target of its emotion. As an emotion, alone it is morally neutral, however, it can just as easily lead to lust (sinful desire) as it can passion. It is also a good picture to think of Eros as the fruit and flowers of a new relationship. Eros is not a bad thing, but it is also not a “good” thing. The word Eros does not appear in the Bible. I have some more thoughts on the way “eros” thinking affects our interaction with sex and intimacy at http://chrismlegg.com/2011/03/01/309/ .
- Philos – Philos love, or brotherly/friendship love, is the next kind we will look at. Philos describes the love between two people who have common interests and experiences, or a fondness for. Hemophiliacs apparently seemed to ancient doctors to have a “fondness” to bleeding, for example. Unlike Eros, which pulses up and down like waves on the ocean, Philos steadily grows, like a building being constructed stone by stone. For this reason, when close friends are separated for a while and reunited, they will often say “it is like we picked up exactly where we left off.” Philos is half about the circumstances, and half about the commitment of two people to one another; it says “I love who we are together,” or in case of a non person: “I am fond of this food.” Philos love generally grows over time except in the case of some kind of betrayal. It is commonly used in the New Testament, as in Matt. 10:37, John 12:25, and Revelation 3:19.
- Storgy – We will not spend much time here; storgy is the love one has for a dependent. It is commonly called “motherly love.” It is entirely based on the relationship between the “lover” and the “lovee.” When the dependent is no longer dependent, this love remains only in its emotional remnants. It is one of the stronger loves, because it involves a commitment that relies on only one trait of the receiver – that he or she is dependent. This type of love is toxic to a marriage under normal circumstances. Marriages that look more like a mother/son or father/daughter relationship is moving quickly downhill.
- Agapeo – Agape love is the final of the five loves we look at here. Agape love is entirely about the lover, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the one loved. Agape love, in its purest form, requires no payment or favor in response. The most common word for God’s love for us is Agape (I John, John 3:16) and the love we are commanded to have for one another (Matt. 5:44, I Cor. 13). This lack of input from the recipient makes it possible for us to love our enemies even though we may not like them or the situation they have put us in – because Agape love is not in any way dependent on circumstances; it says “I love you because I choose/commit to.” Unlike eros or philos, Agape creates a straight line that neither fades or grows (!) in its perfect form (which of course only exists from God outward) Oddly enough, even though many people marry out of eros love alone, they make vows that speak of commitment despite any circumstance: richer/poorer, better/worse, sickness/health. This kind of love is about a commitment to the very best for another, no matter what emotions or feelings exist! You can see why in the King James Version of the Bible, Agape was usually translated as “charity.” It is a love freely given, and freely committed to. For a more in depth look at its aspects, look at I Corinthians chapter 13.
I think in America, especially among Christian young people, when a couple talks about “loving” one another they may not really be talking about any of these! It is an interesting phenomenon that Christian couples in particular are hesitant to say “I love you” in a relationship – even after months of dating. Which love are they slow to express? Eros? of course they feel it off and on; Philos? If they have dated months they surely are loyal friends; Agapeo? Since Christ calls us to Agape our enemies, surely a dating couple “desires God’s best” for one another. I think the question is actually more “devotion” and less “love.” What they are hesitating to say is “I devote my foreseeable future to you,” maybe even “I am not ready to separate you too far from the crowd in my Agape for you.” Taking into account the admonition to “guard” our hearts in scripture, I think waiting to commit to this devotion is probably wise, but we may have unwittingly created yet another meaning!
I also regularly hear from a spouse who is no longer “in love” with or has ceased to “love” their spouse. What do they mean, exactly? It is hard to tell. It seems like most of the time they mean that they are not feeling eros love at the moment. A great analogy is to think of these loves as similar to a garden (see the short article on marriage)… Agapeo is like the soil. It can be tended, replaced,
and remember, “tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.” – (A. Tennyson “In Memorium”)
For a fantastic and more in-depth discussion of this concept, please let me recommend The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis.
For more good news about God’s love for us, check also http://chrismlegg.com/2011/03/01/a-simple-gospel/
Chris Legg
If you like to read more about theological questions, there are quite a few on this website. Look in the “Theological Questions” articles for much more about baptism (http://chrismlegg.com/2009/09/17/what-is-the-role-of-baptism/),
religion (http://chrismlegg.com/2011/03/14/what-is-religion/),
and even tattoos (http://chrismlegg.com/2009/10/01/tatoos/) ,
halloween (http://chrismlegg.com/2010/10/25/historical-understanding-of-halloween/), and
marijuna (http://chrismlegg.com/2009/10/04/marijuana-usage/) and much more!
There is also a search option over to your right to look for all kinds of stuff.
[...] Greek concept of eros, as I understand it, in the article about 5 different Greek words for love. (http://chrismlegg.com/2009/10/01/5-greek-words-for-love/). In this usage, I am more closely aligning the word with our common modern English treatment, [...]
[...] Greek concept of eros, as I understand it, in the article about 5 different Greek words for love. (http://chrismlegg.com/2009/10/01/5-greek-words-for-love/). In this usage, I am more closely aligning the word with our common modern English treatment, [...]
[...] Greek concept of eros, as I understand it, in the article about 5 different Greek words for love. (http://chrismlegg.com/2009/10/01/5-greek-words-for-love/). In this usage, I am more closely aligning the word with our common modern English treatment, [...]
I appreciated this post, nevertheless next time I would advise keeping it briefer (my attention span is not what it was in the past, 3 decades back…)
i will admit that I am not the best at keeping things brief… that is why I think of these as articles rather than just blogposts. However, I do regret the loss of our cultural attention span! I have heard that in the 1800′s people stood and listened to hours of debate… now, we can often barely make it through a tweet! This is not a criticism of you at all – I have the same problem! I look at a blog and regularly dont read it if it seems too long. Bummer.
This is a good post. I was looking for the definitions of the Greek words for love and I got a lot more than I expected!
I am glad you liked it – thanks for the feedback. I hope it is helpful to you!
Very good simple post, not too long at all, I get the pleasure of leading a Bible Study and we just got to 1 Corinthians 13, I get to start the love chapter and was wondering how to start, your definitions are going to be a big help, thanks!!!
Patrick, I am glad you liked it and that it was helpful – any insights you gained as you taught the Love Chapter would be great to hear!
[...] a bit about different kinds of love and the different words used in Greek in the New Testament. 5 Greek words for “Love” Chris Legg, LPC Hope it helps Post Script. I love [...]
Thank you so much for your words. I have recently started blogging in January and am so glad to see God’s words everywhere. Just letting know I did borrow your research for my bog as well but the credit is still yours. Thank you again for your inspiration. You can view my blog that I posted if you would like, also.
http://wp.me/p29UpA-4q
Puakina,
I am glad this is a helpful article to you! I know that material can really make sense out of stuff we don’t usually have much wisdom about. A couple of things: feel free to link back to my website (www.chrismlegg.com) or at least to that article… second: it is singular “Legg” not “Leggs”. My wife has great legs, but our name doesn’t have the “s”.
Hi! Thanks for for stopping by my blog, and sharing that definition of bold with me! I thought that definition was so interesting, and very true! I had never thought about it like that before.
Also, I really enjoyed reading about all of the different types of love. I’m studying 1 Corinthians with a group of girls right now, and your post was very helpful to me for my study! Thank you for taking the time to share about it here!
I found this very interesting. In a way, I think it’s better than what we have in English, I often find the word “love” can be too vague. Regarding your comment about the Inuit, in case you’re curious:
I believe some Yupik languages have an unusually large number of roots (the concept of “words” is a bit different in Eskimo-Aleut languages, see below) for “ice”, however, Yupiks are not Inuit. I could see where confusion could arise, as both groups fall under the umbrella term “Eskimo”.
Inuktitut, the primary language of the Inuit people, has only about two or three roots for snow, or ice. However, there are as many “words” that involve snow (which I’m using as an example because I don’t know how to say “ice”), or any other concept, as you can dream up. “ᐊᐳᑦ”, Romanized as “aput” is the basic root for snow. However, if you want to talk about whose snow it is, you might say “ᐊᐳᒐ” or “apuga” for “my snow”, or “ᐊᐳᕗᑦ” or “apuvut” (Inuktitut sounds funny sometimes), however, you could do this with anything.
Take for example, the first two words of the Lord’s Prayer, in Inuktitut, we’d combine them as “ᐊᑕᑕᕗᑦ” or “atatavut” for “our father”.
Another thing you can do with any word is attach it to the verb. For instance, “they will eat snow” becomes “ᓂᕆᓂᐊᖅᐊᐳᑦᑐᐅᒃ” or “niriniaqaputtuuk”, which one might count as one long “word for snow”.
If you are interested in learning more about Inuktitut, I suggest http://www.tusaalanga.ca
If you are annoyed by my rambling pedantry, I’m done.
How fun! I wouldn’t have ever gotten this insight before – this is great! This is such a power of the internet – I so appreciate your input… and I cannot imagine I would have gotten it any other way. Thanks so much.
I just want to say thank you; because with your help I was able to tell my girlfriend how I feel.
I am gratified that you were helped! Which love did you claim for her?
Eros, Philos, and Agape.
Was looking for the word or words in Greek…to say ” I LOVE YOU”….Do you know? Really enjoyed reading and learning on this site! Thank You!
I am so glad this was helpful!!
[...] word descriptions were primarily paraphrased from 5 Greek Words For Love] Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like [...]
Wow! I never would have thought that there would be different meansings/names, for the word “love”! This was very helpful for me to understand! Thanks!
i am glad that was helpful to you! There is more here. Blessings!
I have been trapped in addiction for some time, and this article helped me see the kind of love i am striving for…its really ok to want to love a pair of shoes, a person, how i feel when im with someone, and the things i nurture but i am going for the golden one…the hardest one….the type of love that has nothing whatsoever to do with me and has everything to do with god…
That is good insight – and so that you know, I have some other articles about toxic people, and addictions too! You might check them out… in fact, feel free to email me and let me know a little more and maybe I can help a little!
A very gud work indeed.dis article brought me in2 light on d love topic.i was enlightend an thanks 4 allowing God2 use u
I am happy and gratified that it is a blessing to you!
true love is for life no matter the situation even when the loved is no more,true love has no conditions attached.
Isaiah, That is the purpose of the article – to clarify that there are different concepts behind the word “love” so that if I “love” apple pie, I am not stuck with an unconditional love for it! However, as applies to agapeo love, you are precisely right!
I have heard all my life (59 years + 3 months) that there were 3 Greek words for LOVE. I enjoyed this article immensely. I was researching John 21:15-19.
Thanks for the wonderful insight. My mother’s cousins are all in Sweden. When we sign correspondence, it was so ODD for them to see the word “LOVE”. They told me that it is reserved for male-female relationships in their culture. This may help bring LIGHT to the way we sign our notes and cards, as well. It was also interesting to be ASKED, what does X O X O mean??? When I went for a visit to Sweden, I brought designer wallets with the X O X O symbols and they had an understanding after our discussion. Language is fun and brings LIGHT to words and their meaning. Thanks for sharing.
I am so glad that you found this valuable stuff! Feel free to check around for other stuff too. The communication damage done by misunderstanding what we mean is tough!
This article was absolutely fantastic. Thank you so much for the wonderful explanation. Even after having an entire lesson on the Greek words for love, I still learned a bunch from this. I also like how you incorporated the Bible into this and actually tied in relevant scripture. Thank you so much!
I am so gratified that you were able to get something from it. It is an important topic!
hey man. i very much enjoyed the article (or blog post, which ever it is
) but i did notice that you use the word mania for what is considered lust. i’ve been looking at multiple aticles about this and i noticed that many have said Lust is epithumia and not mania. obsession like you said.
you are right – I believe epithumia is typically translated “lust”… the reason for the discrepancy is the way we use the word “lust” in English often now. However, I do need to make that point in the article. Thanks for the head’s up. “Mania” is the obsession – a desire to posses and control and use… and in English many people would use “lust” as a synonym for that. But you are correct that in Greek, there is a different word for lust. Great call!
All I can say is God bless you.
Could you please help to understand this ?:“tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.” – (A. Tennyson “In Memorium”)
Tennyson wrote that whole poem about his best friend who had died… I think that is his main point… even though it is so painful to (you can read more about this kind of grieving at grief… ) lose a friend who you have loved, it is still better to love. Loving is worth the pain… and I agree.
Love is the way to live and careing abaot athers