A More Complete View of Masculinity

I have recently run into another issue that I think is worth mentioning:

There isn’t a chapter in the Bible about masculinity.  There isn’t a section on “being a man”.

So, while the Bible offers us specific patterns for being a disciple (regardless of sex) and Image -- Husbands love your wives.jpgfor being a minister (regardless of sex), etc.  Further, there are guidelines for certain roles that only males can have (father, son, brother, husband) but not all men have, or should have, all those responsibilities… and what a Christ-following husband, for example should look like.

Being a “man” is a bestowed aspect of identity that is given by our community and “masculinity” is an aspect bestowed by our culture.  I have written and will write more about this in other places, but the conversation for today is – how do we engage in a more sophisticated conversation about what it means to be a man – or to be masculine?

So, how do we talk about these things today?  Well, it would help to engage with some of the conceptions of masculinity… or maybe I should say “misconceptions.”

Over a century ago, a guy named Carl Jung talked a lot about the psychological and sociological applications of “archetypes”… by which he meant that we each have models in our heads of how certain things are supposed to be.

Psychologically, if the concept is connected to us in any way, our perception of our identity can be strongly linked to that archetype… and sometimes we don’t even know it.

They are kind of like metaphors for certain important ideas, and how we perceive those ideas. I particularly like his ideas for the typical human archetypes for masculinity.

There are the technical terms… now to the application.

I have recently run into a number of different men who, when we talked, I realized that they had at least one of the following mindsets:

1. a very limited understanding of masculinity…

2. a perception of masculinity that does not include them…

3. a strong desire to connect with masculinity they cannot find it in their own 

1402544087-0.jpg

identity.

So, I asked each of them to describe masculinity…

“Tall, dominant, confident, strong, muscular,” and stuff like that, were exclusively the answers.

I am a fan of super heroes (as other articles have stated) but masculinity is much more than Nietzsche’s “Super – man”.

Only those indicate a very one-dimensional perspective:  Physical presence, big muscles, good looking..

What made that definition additionally impactful, and I think, may have contributed to some of their confusion was that they didn’t see themselves as tall, dominant, confident, strong, etc.  So, they didnt see themselves as Manly. (if we think a chair has four legs and we don’t have four legs, then we must not think we are a chair!)

It seems that most men in our culture have a one-dimensional view of masculinity and I think we need a better integrated, well rounded (and at least 4 dimensional) perspective.

I think we may find some wisdom in the ideas of  Jung, the theist psychologist I mentioned earlier… Jung believed that there were actually four archetypes of masculinity; and in fact, each of these overlap in sophisticated ways:

1. The Warrior (athlete, soldier). This is the one we tend to think of first. These men are those who consider themselves men because of their physical presence, their prowess with physical things, their strength, their option to kill. In today’s world, these would be our sports stars, Navy Seals, body builders, Olympians, etc.

2. The Wizard (professor, rabbi, guru). This is the man who sees himself as a man because of his knowledge. He carries the secrets, the wisdom, the information, that others need. Modern day teachers, trainers, computer experts, etc. fill this role.

3. The Lover (poet, romantic, artist) This man connects to masculinity via his ability to engage in other’s lives emotionally. He may incite passions in women via seduction, or a crowd via the stage. Modern day movie stars, politicians, inspirational speakers, celebrities, and often preachers fit this archetype.

4. The King (leader, manager, captain). This man is a man because of his ability to lead others. Other men are drawn to them and their ideas. This man connects to masculinity by guiding, bossing, and/or direct others.

Obviously the lines between these is blurred, and most men, once aware, can connect somewhat to all four, but most of us see ourselves as primarily representing one or two. One aspect of this that can be most helpful is that this means we don’t all need to be primarily only one of them!

We don’t have to all be primarily warriors… and we don’t all have to see ourselves as warriors in order to be MEN!  We shouldnt be!

Also, our views on them and on ourselves change (hopefully) as we grow, age, and mature. I also think that the more developed a man’s image of his own masculinity is, the more integrated all four become in his life! In the best case, we could see ourselves integrating all four into our lives.

I also think scripture gives us plenty of examples of all four in the men we find there, eg.:

Moses – wizard king

David – lover warrior king

Daniel – wizard lover king

Elijah – wizard warrior

Peter – warrior king

Jesus – I see examples of all four integrated pretty strongly in Him… especially a lot of wizard king

What is vital for any male is that he is able to identify himself with some picture of masculinity… that he can say

“ ______________________ is what it means to be a man… and I am ____________________.”

When we can’t we usually end up looking to prove it in ugly, self serving ways that hurt others, or we look for it in another person via idolization, codependency, or maybe even homosexuality.

So, maybe the most important application answers these questions: how do we know what is manly about us?

How do we know when we are men, not boys?   Answer: when someone tells us.  100-Black-Men_1-1024x683.jpg

In particular:  As more time passes, I have become convinced that we do not know that we are a man until someone who we think of as a man tells us that he thinks of us as a man.

Have you come to believe that you are a man?   Have you told anyone that they are?

Now move on to learning to love with limited resources.

7 thoughts on “A More Complete View of Masculinity

  1. Very enlightening. Connected this article and your “Why do we need to prove” article. Love the integration theme. A complimentary theme I take away from your articles is balance. Is our view of masculinity in balance? Just becoming aware that we spend our energy trying to become and prove we are a warrior, wizard, lover or king is helpful.

    We should ask ourselves, “Is our journey to become a great warrior, wizard, lover or king in service of ourselves or in service of others?”

    Your article clarifies role modeling and mentoring for me. When we serve as coach, mentor, teacher, Dad, boy scout leader, etc., we serve as role models on how to become a warrior, wizard, lover or king. The real “Aha!” for me is to become conscious of this role model effect and intentionally help others to define and understand their masculinity in a positive way – part of which is to raise awareness there are different paths.

    What are your thoughts about money as the pursuit of wealth (which can also be good or bad) seems similar? Is there a fifth archetype or does money just keep score or enable pursuit of an archetype(s)?

    1. The money is a good question – I would think that as with most things, how you would tend to prioritize the pursuit of wealth would be is about what kind of a man you see yourself – Onassis once said that if there were no women, then all the money in the world would be meaningless (paraphrase) so I think would be an example of a man who has pursued wealth as a lover… others power… etc.

      Now, I tend to be not a big fan of “balance” especially as a Christian. It is a neutral trait – fine, but it also implies that decreasing something is as good a solution as increasing. Example: If I have a lot of love, but not much truth, then do I need less love? No – there is no such thing as too much love… however, I need to INTEGRATE truth into my character as well. Balance is fine, and has its place, but I think integration represents the “more exellent way.”

      Thanks, Curt, for your comments! Awareness is a big part of my goal – and to give us common vocabulary for having the conversation.

      Blessings
      Chris

  2. Chris,

    This post is great. I had never heard of Jung, but his categories definitely give us a vocabulary to have a conversation that needs to be had.

    One thought, in America today, I think that the mention of homosexuality requires more than just a nod. I understand your point, but IMHO, guys that carry misconceived notions of masculinity often live a variety of self-destructive lifestyles in order to submit their unique personality to a contrived stereotype.

    -M

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.