Family Camp
A week later, Pine Cove Family Camp started, as did my first week to not preach of the 6 weeks in a row I would not be preaching. Family Camp was, as expected, a great time to connect and hang out and enjoy family. In 2017, it carried an extra sentimental power since the week after family would involve us moving our eldest child to a university a couple of hours away from home… and leaving him there.
In a last-minute decision, Ginger and I decided that I should attempt to teach through the entire book of Ephesians in 6 sessions about 45 minutes long each. I know.
However, I really liked that idea of deeply saturating ourselves that week in this letter about what it looks like to “live a life worthy of the calling with which we have been called.” (4:1). It turned out to be another providential choice.
Digging into that book together became very sweet conversations with Ginger and the families were there. It was a great time to have some cool experiences with the kids, as always.
The next week, we took Mark to school.
About that, I will only say that it was a strange experience – to KNOW that this was a good decision. Mark is an excellent student. The school is an excellent school. He was in an excellent program with an additional mentoring aspect to the program, a great dorm with godly roommates. I am telling you, at the knowledge level – at the fact level, there couldn’t have been a better start for our son’s university experience. We could not have been more proud or more confident.
But driving away still FELT wrong. It was a cold empty and bad feeling. My son wasn’t where he was supposed to be… with me. For 18 years he had been, with rare exceptions, either at home with me or somewhere else in the world with me. Thousands of amazing adventures – big and small – had been ours. We had worked hard to prepare him for this transition, it still FELT wrong.
Once again, from that first moment when all of a sudden, I had a new understanding of an “only begotten son” 18 years ago, I was experiencing the human version of something God experienced. The feeling of disconnection from him was real. A different kind of relationship with my son. It is intriguing to consider. I think it is error to think that there was any kind of ACTUAL disconnection between/within the Triune God at the cross, but certainly Jesus’ citation of the Psalm indicates a powerful emotion. God was teaching me in this, too; and though I would never have intentionally planned this event to happen during my sabbatical, driving the two hours back to Tyler from DBU was a trip of constant communication with my God and my wife. I struggled.
Rest, ceasing, and struggling aren’t contradictory to one another… but they sure don’t feel like they should go together.
Visiting Church
Out of 5 Sundays, I went to our church as an attender twice. Risky, yes… but it was very nice. I don’t know for sure if I would do it again and I know that it would be a bad idea in most circumstances. However, it was nice to see how authentic the sense of rest, peace and freedom that I feel at SSBC is, and not just because I am the pastor.
I was really blessed to get to visit the church where I preach. I wrestled with that decision but realized that I would enjoy being around my friends and was convinced that it would be restful. It was.
This could easily have been a mistake, but I was able to attend church with my wife, go to the Sunday morning class that she attends but that I never get to (filled with my friends), and play no role. I think the only real danger was that the staff would miss out on getting the break from me (part of sabbatical is giving us a break from our normal world and part is giving our normal world a break from us).
However, they assured me that they knew I was just along for the ride; I hope they were fully honest with me. Maybe after reading this, they can advise me for next time if it changed the dynamic of “ceasing” for them.
The first time that I went was a test. I wanted to be reminded what a normal experience of going to church is like. I always arrive about an hour before the first service – and my family comes much later. I am never able to arrive with my family and also not able to go to a Sunday morning life group.
So, it was a great experience a couple of times to ride with my family, arrive holding hands with my wife, sitting by her in class and in the service (one of the greatest sacrifices of being a teaching pastor is no longer getting to sit next to my wife in church very often), etc.
If our church wasn’t a low-stress, relatively casual church, me coming in might have been not restful at all for me or the church. However, it was completely restful to me. We work hard to create that in our church, so I was pretty gratified that we have been successful.