Patoya wrote a letter to her church family in an effort to help shepherd them through many of the challenges loving Christians are trying to handle well!  I think her insights are valuable to us all:

Hello family. I’ve been reflecting on a lot as of late. I thought I’d invite each of you into some of those reflections. A Saturday morning run is very normal for me. Today it was much of the same and also different. Suddenly, it seems the world can see the already normal thoughts that go through my head as I embark on what is, for me, the normal thought pattern that goes with me being a black, female runner.

 

I think most people I’m around want to ask what it’s like for me as I see stories like Ahmaud Aubrey’s. Some are brave enough to ask and some are not. I definitely understand the hesitation. I think we often talk about needing a safe space to discuss sensitive issues such as race. I think as members of the body of Christ, we have it. Christ has told us already that He has broken down the walls of hostility and somehow we still seem to “need” more. I encourage you to be confident in Christ in a world unknown to you.I thought I’d just go ahead and open the door that many are afraid to open and yet hoping that someday they’ll be able to walk through.

Yes, it’s weird being able to count on one hand the amount of people that have my skin in our church. I often wonder if your light skin children will be afraid of me b/c my skin is dark and my hair is big. Have you made people like me a regular  part of their life or am I the first? Yes, I still love it and feel very much invited in. Yes, there are areas of my culture that are dialed back to adapt to the world around me. It’s ok and it’s not. I’m sure you can relate in one way or another. Part of that is my own fear and part of it has come as a requirement in a country not built with black people in mind as equal parts.  It’s a cross to carry and Christ is sufficient to keep me as I walk.  Yes, race conversations are awkward. Mainly because you often times are operating as if you’ve completely forgotten that you and I can, and have had very normal and honest conversations.  No you don’t need to have a certain amount of black friends before your fear, guilt, ignorance, compassion, and care have a known place in the world of racial injustice. Yes, you are free to ask, speak, and make mistakes. There is more enough Gospel love to cover over the multitude of sins and mistakes.

Running? I love it. It’s great alone time and I get to be outside. It is a bit of a risk being a female runner who enjoys not running with others. That risk is increased because my skin is dark brown. I regularly think during my run if the white men who are passing me in trucks are going to slow down to harm me. Will they think I’m a black male and taunt me or worse? How sad that my brothers are at even more of a risk because of their God given gender and race. Will the police officer that’s parked on the street help me or ignore me. It’s unfair for me to assume the negative. Should I go a new route? Will the people on the new route think that I’m out to steal from them? Do I look like an angry black woman when I get tired? If so, are people going to try to fight with me as I run past them. I’ll ensure I smile big and wave when I go by.

This morning’s run was quite sad. I was sad for Ahmaud’s family. I was sad that his life ended so tragically. The pain of loss is shocking even when it’s expected and seen coming. I can only imagine his mother this mother’s day living the pain of what I’m sure is every parent’s worst nightmare. As I went into the last stretch of my run, the song ‘O Praise the Name’ came on. Which I would typically skip during a run because of the slow pace of the song. Today, I let it play. As I listened I could hear the Lord saying to me, ‘Though sin is slaying, it is not reigning. I am sovereign and my grace is sufficient for all the pain and sadness in this world.’ Insert exhausted, and beaming PaToya with her head and arms held high, carrying sadness, fear, humility, and freedom. Praise His name indeed!

So what to do? Talk. Ask questions. Pray for God to break your heart for the sin in the world. The sin of racism is not bigger than the God you know. Step through the door of the unknown with confidence that Christ has most certainly overcome the world. I love each of you and hope that you will make a small change today. A change in your prayers, a change in the information you take in, a change in some form that promotes good stewardship of the circumstances that have been handed to you. Circumstances that include  living in a country that offers such beauty and opportunity, but founded on the backs of many broken and beaten souls.