The Lonely Dragon
The story of a woman who fights against what she really wants.
Note: this is my first shot and it is almost stream-of-consciousness with very little filtering. Please offer your feedback.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful little princess. She was very sweet and gentle and very clever. She was so bright that she seemed to light up a room when she entered it.
She was a treasure.
Sadly, not everyone in her life was good at spotting treasure. Maybe her parents were like poor treasure hunters who, even though they had a treasure right in their midst, could not recognize her for what she was.
There are people who own a precious old Indian blanket that lays folded a chair, or a priceless crystal vase that holds flowers, sitting in
their house for years. Because they don’t know, or can’t see, or won’t see,
they treat it as common…
even though it is treasure.
That is what her parents might have been like.
Sometimes parents, or at least a parent, is like that. Sometimes moms can be extremely critical and they never seem pleased with their daughter.
Sometimes dads fail to hug their princesses, don’t tell them they are loved, and never tells them how wonderful they are.
And to be honest, there are some parents who are more than silent and ignorant. They are, well…
Monsters.
Monster’s don’t treat treasure as common, they treat it as something to be used up and thrown out.
They don’t merely misunderstand treasure, they hate it. Their lives are in a state of declared war against anything that seems like treasure.
Their lives are dedicated to the systematic diminishment and destruction of treasure. As unthinkable as it is,
this does happen.
*****
Or maybe it was more the way her “friends” treated her in school. It could have been that she felt left out all the time. Sometimes other
girls can be negative and cruel.
Sometimes in their own insecurity, in their own journey to feel special, young girls can make another little girl feel…
less, somehow.
Sometimes being a princess makes it all better with the other girls. But sometimes it actually only makes it worse. Maybe for the
little princess, it was just worse. Maybe it was her parents, and /or maybe it was the girls.
*****
A third option would be the boys. Maybe it was the boys.
As the little princess got a little older, some of the boys starting paying special attention to her, and there are few things that make a young princess feel better about herself than when boys start paying attention.
She learned to laugh at their jokes and sometimes she even pretended not to be smart for the ones she thought didn’t want her to be. All of this would have been pretty normal; a lot of the girls did this to one degree or another. However, remember that the little princess was never certain of some things she really needed to know…
For example:
Most little girls, once they reach a certain age, pretend to disregard what their daddy says to and about them. Many daddies say how beautiful their daughters are – and when they are young ladies, the girls often say things back to their fathers like “whatever, Dad.”
Or maybe they just think it.
But what if they don’t ever have the chance to say or think it because father doesn’t say it? That is a much, much worse feeling.
It is like starving…
Starving to death. So when someone is starving, they stop being very discriminating about food. Sometimes, when someone is starving for
acceptance, affirmation, identity or love, they often become willing to accept cheap, inedible, and sometimes even toxic versions of those things.
Maybe the princess began to trade in the commodities that toxic people trade in which are pretty much always about using people as common
and very replaceable…
not at all like treasure.
Like something cheap and ordinary,
Like a common field, and not like the fortune buried under the “x” there.
Some or any of those things might have happened in the life of the princess. Lord knows at least some of all of that does in the lives of most princesses, and everyone else too…
Most of the time, she didn’t even realize how bad it was.
(It’s hard to know what to compare one’s own life to.)
But all of the time, it was doing damage. After a while, she rarely felt safe on the inside, so she went away to the mountains to hide.
At first, she just went there sometimes to hide in a cave a feel safe, and sometimes she would meet someone who seemed safe, but in the
end, somehow, she would be hurt again.
So, finally, she moved into the cave full time…
(more later this week)
Love this! Chris, I only recently stumbled on your blog on the Alethia Fb page. I have devoured all I can, learning so much , gaining valuable insight, and really enjoying every entry.
I love your insight, but I especially enjoy your writing style and ability, as well as your teaching. You are able to take ideas and teach them well and beautifully. That is rare indeed. Looking forward to reading more!
Joana, thanks for the kind words – and I am very glad that you are finding value in these! Feel free to share or post or comment o any that are valuable.
Chris, I disagree with some of your other commenters. I like the imagery; it is a nice second layer, but I love the way you describe the relationships/behaviors directly, simply, and clearly. Use the imagery to elaborate and fill out the concept, but certainly don’t remove those clear statements!
Also, speaking as a fellow student of Hagood, Johnson, Stewart, and Rodewald, there is a section toward the end that needs to be rewritten. The worst is starting from the sentence “Like a common field…” and ending with the sentence in parentheses. The analogies are not as strong as before (btw, it’s ok to be a little repetitive in children’s stories; it might even be a good touch to pick your strongest or favorite analogy for common v. treasure and make it a recurring theme.) The sentence starting “Lord knows” is awkward enough to be difficult to interpret.
Aside from that, I love it! I can totally see this being a gift for Ellie! ok, going to read part the second now 😉
<3, J
Hey Chris, obvious that you’ve got something here with the other responses. My bought is similar to the first commentor’s: if you’re going for a fairy tale, I woul suggest more subtlety in the points you’re making. Ie, here u tell us what happens such that it feels more like an essay about a princess, rather than showing us, so that it feels more like a story. I know this is a rough draft though, so…press on!
So glad you are writing this Chris! You imitate our Rabbi well by having healing in your words with the purpose of hopes of restoration for His glory.
The starving analogy is great! The top 3 types of messed up relationships are addressed well. But she seems so passive, as though she has no voice, no thoughts of her own. Maybe that’s part of the story and will resolve as it progresses, but that was what I noticed.
Chris I like reading any thing you write cause at any time I can see my life in your words. God have gifted you in a way my friend that really touches my heart & mind as I read. Thanks for shareing that gift with us.
Kenny
I read this with tears streaming down my face… you have captured how I have felt throughout my growing up years… except somehow I KNEW that I was missing these things and reacted with anger. I was angry at being ignored and not cherished by an extremely critical mother and a passive father. Neither of them cared to know me and understand me for who I was on the inside. They only wanted me to project a nice image. Don’t rock the boat.
My anger turned inward and I didn’t like myself (after all my parents didn’t really like me so I must not be likable) and dealt with an eating disorder. I learned to control what I could and I learned how to anger my mother further by NOT looking like she wanted me to look – this just proved my point that she didn’t like me for myself. I turned to food to fill the void, not boys. I learned not to trust anyone – I could only depend on myself.
My relationship with my parents (especially my mother) is still painful. She has remained critical and selfish. It still causes me pain, but I have chosen to not let it affect me negatively (most days) I have realized that she will probably never change and there is nothing I can do to fix her – all I can do is pray for her and allow God to change my heart concerning her.
I think that most princesses deal with food issues in one way or another – I think this is missing from your story. Starving for affection, love and acceptance often results in finding comfort and acceptance in food or becoming so controlling that food is the enemy. I have done both.
Thank you for writing this… I look forward to reading the rest.
I read this 3 times and took something new away from it each time. The first time it made me cry. Then it made me think and think about all the princesses who might relate in some way and be interested to hear how the story unfolds. I liked it.
Chris, really enjoyed this! I love the imagery and symbolism at work, but suggest inserting some more imagery into the section regarding “friends” and boys. This should offer more cohesion, and create more of a story feel (if thats what you are going for). Also, under the boy section I might include why it was bad that the princess would pretend to be less of a treasure to catch a boys attention. I initially caught myself thinking, “of course thats how girls interact with boys, thats how middle school and high school works.” My favorite parts though were the first section, and the imagery of starving. Thanks for speaking identity into women, and I’m looking forward to reading part II!
Wow – thanks so far for all of the great feedback – I am glad that there seems to be some value in this imagery – that motivates me to look at it more deeply. For me, it has only been some kind of imagery in my head that many of the wonderful people I work with have come to protect ourselves (let’s be honest) so much that we often end up chasing off the very thing we want. I want spiritual leadership, but every time you try to lead, I criticize you to death… I want meaningful intimacy, but when I sense it coming, I run away emotionally. It reminds of Rich Mullin’s line “‘I’d rather fight you for something I don’t really want than take what you give that I need…”