The Way that Personal Responsibility vs. Preference play into initially choosing a church.
It is important to note that I very opposed to the idea that local churches are in competition with one another. We are not. If we are on the same page with the Basics, we are on the same team!
I also want to acknowledge that I think every single person (family) will need to answer these questions a little differently, but as the pastor of a church in a medium sized community with many dozens of churches, we regularly have people move from another church to ours or from ours to another church locally.
Every family has to examine the role of the local church in their lives – is the church engaged where your family is looking for engagement? Is there the real potential for someone to create the ministry that is lacking – are there ways for members to lead and serve in new ministry endeavors, supported by staff?
One of our most potent ministries in our church came into existence because a family with a chronically ill child realized how little the church was doing for families with chronically ill children – so they decided to create that ministry. It is still a work in progress, but families are being blessed by it!
If a church where you are ready to invest is missing something, can you help create it? In a later page about Ministry and Family Priorities, we will examine this more.
Further, I have worked in an additional 6 churches than the one I am in now and have been a member at several others without being on staff – including as an elder at one of them.
I have wrestled through this question within my own family a couple of times.
I think we need to have a more complicated conversation about this stuff than just to criminalize everyone who moves or to ascribe conspiracy every time it happens (especially when they leave) and celebrating as some kind of victory whenever someone changes church and comes to ours.
It seems to me that the best choice for me, and hopefully to help you, is to create some conversation and some vocabulary. After all, you are going to be having this conversation with your spouse, your kids, your parents, your friends, your pastor and others – and there is a really good chance none of those is me.
If you are considering the move, you need more perspective than I can offer here, but I am hopeful that by offering some of my thoughts, it will enhance your conversations on this topic with those you need to talk to.
In the beginning and in the end, remember that God is your guide.
Read and reread Proverbs 3:5-8…
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.
We must seek His wisdom (James 1:5) and His Kingdom (Matt 6:33) above our own desires. We need to submit, submit, submit to His authority in our lives (James 4:7) as we make all decisions. We have no rights to pursue what we want in defiance or even neglect of what He wants. (James 4:13-17)
Start there and I believe the Lord will guide your steps that you take in grace. Treat this decision with all seriousness, but also with grace. Don’t fear that you are going to somehow mess up God’s will.
If you are considered a move from a church in which the Basics are good, you that conversation with your family and friends (and pastors) needs to take on a different tone.
Because, in the midst of God’s will, there is also our will. We get to make some decisions, obviously. If so, how do we make this decision about leaving our current church family?