I don’t do this very often, but sometimes I have someone reach out and offer to write an article that seems valuable to my readers. Today, Camille Johnson, of The Bereaver website. Her focus is to have some materials for people when they are grieving. I like her material on this topic in particular, though I do not know enough about her other material to know what her stances are in general… but I appreciate that she reached out and decided that she thought that people here at my site might appreciate this stuff. Here is what she sent to me:
After the death of a loved one, some people experience more pain and grief than others. You need to know that going into a major depression and struggling with thoughts of suicide are more serious than normal responses to the death of a loved one, and you should seek help. Pastor and professional counselor Chris Legg shares everything you need to know about your complicated grief here, so you can get the help you need to cope with your pain and overcome your grief after losing someone you love.
1. Contact Suicide Prevention Resources If You Have Suicidal Thoughts
After the death of a loved one, it is fairly common for people to think that they would be better off dead or wish they had died with their loved one or instead of their loved one. However, if you have ongoing thoughts of death or suicide or have attempted suicide, you need to reach out to a suicide prevention resource immediately.
If you have harmed yourself or are in immediate danger of committing suicide, call 911 immediately.
If you have suicidal thoughts, you can contact a variety of suicide helplines:
- Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
- Call Suicide.org at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
- Call the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at 1-888-333-AFSP (2377)
- Call The Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386
- Text CONNECT to the Crisis Text Line at 741741
2. Know the Symptoms of Major Depression That Go Beyond Normal Bereavement
Even if you are familiar with the stages of grief as described by Psychology Today, you need to know that everyone experiences grief in his own way. Typically, people who lose a loved one experience sadness, pain, anger, crying episodes, and a depressed mood. These are normal grief responses; but, if you develop a major depression, you need to know that your grief is moving beyond the normal realm of bereavement, and you should seek support.
The American Cancer Society lists major depression symptoms that go beyond normal bereavement that include:
- Constant thoughts of worthlessness or hopelessness
- Ongoing thoughts of death or suicide
- Inability to perform day-to-day activities
- Extreme guilt about things done or not done at the time of your loved one’s death
- Delusions
- Hallucinations, other than moments of briefly hearing or seeing your deceased loved one
- Slower body responses and reactions
- Extreme weight loss
When you experience symptoms such as these for more than two months after the loss of your loved one, you need to seek professional help. You may begin by talking to your primary care provider, a local counselor, or a medical professional at a local emergency department or urgent care clinic. You also may seek support from a local grief support group. One of the easiest ways to find a support group is to search Meetup for groups in your area.
To stave off depression, there are ways to stay mentally healthy, including exercising regularly, trying out a new hobby, and being around positive people. Everyone is different, and when it comes to depression there are many layers, which calls for coping in a variety of healthy ways. Understand what works for you and be intentional about decreasing – and hopefully one day eliminating – the stress points that are causing your condition.
3. Online and In-Person Support Is Available
If you are hesitant to attend a local support group in person, or you don’t trust yourself to attend group sessions consistently, you can find support online. Some online options include the benefits of having 24/7 support, as well as having access to both professional grief counselors and peers who have walked in your shoes. If you’d rather have face-to-face time, counselor Chris Legg offers in-person counseling sessions at Alethia Family Counseling Center and can help walk you through your bereavement phases, as well as offer support.
Keep in mind that after your sessions, you’ll be returning home. Particularly in the immediate aftermath of the passing of your loved one, your living space can be a constant reminder of your loss. Take action to remove any sources of undue anxiety and stress around the house to slowly but surely create a more positive environment. These steps can be as simple as decluttering, cleaning, letting in more natural light by opening up the curtains and blinds, and bringing in some houseplants.
Losing someone you love is one of the most painful experiences of a lifetime. If you struggle with suicidal thoughts or have symptoms of major depression that go beyond normal bereavement, you should seek help from a suicide prevention resource, medical professional, and support group. With the proper help and support, you will be able to move through your pain and grief.
Image via Pixabay
Chris Legg is lead pastor of South Spring and a professional family counselor at Alethia Family Counseling Center. You can reach Chris to schedule a counseling appointment by calling 903-561-8955.